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Garfield116x (garfield116x) wrote,
@ 2006-05-13 10:51:00
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    Current mood: confused
    Current music:The Used- Maybe Memories

    Am I an asshole?

    Well, Mike is home on leave. Hes been talking to my mom and Bryan about me. Appearently im an asshole. Or at least acting like one. i dont see how I was an Asshole. I was on leave. Free to do whatever I wanted. Not be at my moms beckon call and do whatever she wanted me to do. I spent a total of 6 hours with my mom roughly. the entire time, she would always ask me to clean. Fuck that, I dont live there, and Havnt for almost 3 years now. So why clean up a mess I didnt make. Every time I was there, she was buried in a book and would pay no attention to me. I told her when I got home, if she wanted to do anything, to give me a call. She never called me. then gave me a guilt trip for never coming over. I cant stand that household. One of the reasons why I joined the Army was to get away from there. She doesnt understand that. That family is more messed up than when I was there. Kate and Luke do whatever they damn well please regardless of the consequences. And there are no consequences. They get away with murder there. They trash the house and dont pick it up. They do whatever they want. they go out with whoever they want. They are 16 and have cell phones. Shit, i didnt have a fucken cel phone till I was 18. My sister is 16 and can have boys over and take them to her room. She can cuddle on the couch with them. I was 18 and still couldnt take a girl to my room or cuddle up on the couch without getting bitched at by my mom. Kate is failing school but still gets to do anything. When I failed, i got grounded. To get my permit and licience (I spelled that wrong) I had to get Eagle Scout. I had to bust my ass to get anything. They dont have to do shit. Kate and Luke are growing up with everything given to them. Kate has issues that need to be addressed. I tried to bring this up to mom and she covers it up. Dad cant do anything because mom throws his past in his face everytime he tries. Im not close to them anymore for these reasons. I tried to explain this to mom but she doesnt listen. She is fucking Kate and Luke up, but doesnt care. but everytime I bring it up, i get the whole "your nevr here so dont throw your two cents in" speech. but Im an asshole because I dont want anything to do with them anymore. Mom gets pissed off at me because I spend all my time with my dad.

    When I was younger, My dad and I didnt have a good relationship. he was a horrible father when Mike and I were younger. But as i grew up and changed, we grew more together. Mom thinks Im crazy for it. But Forgive and Forget. I had a horrible childhood. But now that I grew up, i see that, but I am willing to forgive. I love my dad. And I like that he actually cares now. He reall ycant do anything because he is handicapped, but It doenst stop him. hes trying to be the father he wasnt when I was younger. And he is doing a good job. he actually cares now. Which makes me feel good. Mom doesnt see that. She still sees the same old jerk off. Shit, she hates the fact that I love my step mom more than her. My stepmom is more of a mom than mom is. But Im an asshole because Im happier without my mom.

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2006-05-14 16:17 (link)
Sounds like your mother is being lazy and taking the easy way out with Kate and Luke. Or is it just the your father's influence isn't backing her behavior in their lives like it did with yours.

My two sons and daughter had different mothers. It was me, but each one came along in different parts of my life. My first son got the strict mom, snap my fingers and you better jump. My second son, the one I adopted, got the "please just do what you're supposed to so I don't have to listen to your dad beat you again" and my daughter got the mom who is like by all her friends and is "Cool".

My daughter has a cell phone because it has a cheap plan and I can afford it. She calls it her leash. My sons didn't have the phones because they (1) weren't available and (2) when they became available, they weren't very affordable. None of my kids had a car because they haven't earned the grades to get one. My adopted, who was the oldest, got his license, but when he started driving other people's cars and abandoning them when they broke down, I yanked his license back from him and he didn't get it again until he was 18.

With my daughter, my husband has pointed out to me what a softie I am and I have to admit that I'm a softie because 1) my parents were pretty hard on me and I still resent them for it and 2) I'm too lazy to have the energy to keep up with which rule was just broken, or to enforce the punishment for it. Part of that is my own self worth. I'm not feeling very good about myself, I don't have the energy to do anything right now, not even my dishes. But I do try to get up and do something more than go to work.

I'm not trying to excuse your mom. I'm not trying to excuse myself by saying all of this. I'm just trying to offer up some reality possibilites I guess. I mean, the last thing I want to hear is someone telling me I am not being good enough as a mom. I'm already beating up on myself for that... because I can see it inside of me, pushed away in a little corner, and I don't want anyone to make me look at that and I will get defensive - as much as needed- to not have to face it.

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2006-05-15 00:12 (link) Delete
Your brother is the one that has the idea that you are an asshole. He didn't hear "asshole" come out of either your mom's, nor my mouth. What really made you an asshole was your previous leave (IMHO).

Yes, you were on leave. You left your mom and I wondering what the hell your plans were. I still wasn't sure the day you arrived. Either I got a telephone call telling me to go pick you up, or not.

And what really pisses you off about Luke and Kate? Just because you think Kate doesn't get in trouble for letting boys into her room? You really believe that? And yes, they have cell phones. It's a helluva lot cheaper nowadays than it was 5 years ago. Hell, for three of those years, I didn't even have a cell phone.

And don't even try to say anything about Kate's issues. Yes, I've had to get on your mom's ass about it, but Kate is seeing somebody about it. And I really don't want to hear about what your dad can or can't do. He doesn't want to do anything, or else he would be off his ass doing it. Mom doesn't have total control over them, it's called joint custody. If he really wanted to see something happen, he could have set his own appointments and taken Kate himself. Not only that, but your dad has real issues about taking responsibility for anything. The issues that you talk about have occured at least half the time under his supervision.

You say that you didn't have a good relationship with your dad. You say you have changed, and have grown more together with your father. I don't see it. He has absolutely chopped relations with Kate and Luke off completely. There are no weekends at your dad's with those two anymore, it's only when they really find a good reason to. And that's been damn few times from your last leave. He's trying to be the father he wasn't when you were younger? Why hasn't he tried to be the father that he still hasn't been to Kate and Luke, which if anything would be a hell of a lot more effective with them, than it actually would be with you?

And I'm a little surprised. How can your mom hate the fact that you love your step mom more than her, when she had to find out by reading this blog post? And I really have to wonder about that after the number of times you said you hated your step mom's guts. That's quite a turnaround.

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